Did you know that when you bring your hand close to fire, you immediately feel an urge to retract it? That happens because you don't want to get burned, and that makes perfect sense, right, it hurts like hell!
But how do we know that it hurts?
Our experience or somebody else's experience, either way, it's a past knowledge that's stored so deeply in our brain that we don't even need to be reminded of that again. We just automatically know it because our brain tells us to do this for our survival.
And along come emotions.
The source of physical pain that the body experiences is easily identifiable because it can be seen. However, the source of mental pain is very difficult to narrow down because of its intangible nature.
Our emotions help us, or at least they are supposed to help us, identify the sources of our mental pains or pleasures.
The problem with these emotions - these biochemical signals is that they aren't always telling us what is right or wrong. They just push us to do things that have worked in the past for our survival.
For eg. If someone has always got what they wanted by crying, their brain will make them believe that, that is the only way they can get something. Therefore, the next time they see a book, a painting, a guitar or a toy, they will instinctively cry because their brain knows no other method like negotiation, aggression, stealing and so on.
When this pattern in which the brain works, merges with depression, a very poisonous environment is created in our head. This environment makes it very difficult for us to function normally.
It becomes instinctive to think that it's you, your attitude, your discipline, your determination or your grit which is why you're not able to do "X" task. Once we live a few years like that, it becomes extremely challenging to deal with these deep-rooted thoughts of self-doubt and self-hatred.
When one has lived like that for a while, depression may seem perennial. It may be an illusion created by our brain which makes us believe that, but it seems very real. This is because our brain is wired to accept the line of thought on which we have spent the most amount of time leading up to our survival until the present day - through depression, through sadness, through pessimism, through drowning ourselves in a sea of darkness. The first step to dealing with this is to remember that depression does end. With constant effort - Depression Will Die!
But it's easier said than done, right?
I don't know the "how" part of that because I spiral back to my depressing thoughts all the time. It takes all the strength and courage I can muster to smile and talk to my friends and family without breaking down every minute of every day.
For me, the source of my depression, from what I understand till now, is an absence of feeling like I belong somewhere. And there's this trick that I thought of today that I'd love to share with the world. Perhaps it's just a sense of awareness but it should help.
Just like my brain now knows I shouldn't put my hand over a burning flame, I could use my "sadness" to make sure that I stay away from those situations which make me sad.
Stressful situations, last minute changes to a presentation, writing a song within a day or half a day, making rent, getting groceries the list goes on and on. But these affect all of us. What about the things that affect some of us? And most importantly what about the things that only affect me? Things that only affect us at an individual level?
There's no limit to the power emotions hold as long as we can mould it, control it and make decisions based on the analysis of these emotions. Identifying how our body reacts to situations we don't like is the first step to our journey towards creating a life we want to live. I recently learned that my defense mechanism is feeling sleepy, my brain ends up shutting down slowly - giving me enough time to wrap up whatever the outside world was expecting out of me - to shield me from whatever my brain thinks is "a bad situation"
It is not enough to just be in that situation for the famous 21 days to change your habit. We need to spend a considerable amount of time in consciously changing our attitude towards that situation for 21 days straight for our brain to think "Ah! That's how I need to react to this!". The brain retains for a long time which makes it super difficult to make it learn something new. And therein lies the challenge.
People who are great with meditation or those who seem to have a very positive outlook towards life don't have a love-hate relationship with their emotions. Instead, they are very closely observing their emotions and the impact of emotions on their body. That's the secret of their self-improvement. Even when we don't know whether something is good or bad for us, the emotions give us a hint about it. The more we're able to listen to our emotions, slowing our brain and letting our entire body work as one giant machine - the emotions, the brain, the locomotions/movements and the interactions of the entire body with the outside world - the happier and more satisfied we can be.
Perhaps, this too might not work and the perennial nature of depression is something none of us can move past. But, as a close friend mentioned very recently, "at least we will have actively tried something to deal with it"
If you have any suggestions, please do share them in the comments section below. I can't wait to get as many suggestions as possible to deal with this and to make sure that people around me have access to your wonderful suggestions too.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. It's really encouraging!
