Blame

Who's to be blame for the shortcomings of your life? Who's to be blame for defining those achievements as my success which I never even wanted?

The blogger in me blames the poet in me for being too Idealistic, 

The chartered accountant in me blames the blogger in me for being too fuzzy, 

The poet in me blames the musician in me for expanding my perspective,

The musician in me blames the cynic in me for never believing that effort could ever materialise into something,

The list goes on and on and on.

I'm sure that for most of you this line of thinking wouldn't be strange because we all exist in various capacities. We are scientists, cooks, financial planners, comedians, singers, teachers, philosophers and so much more at various instances in life. 

Under normal circumstances, in choosing one, you have to reject the other aspects of life so that you can "give your all" and "beat your expectations" to "achieve success*"

* Terms and Conditions apply

It is one of the toughest decision in our lives to cut out parts which seem to not be going anywhere. Charles Bukowski famously said "Don't try" which has largely been interpreted as "If you have to try to try something, don't try. If you have to take conscious effort in writing poetry, don't try. If you have to take conscious effort in maintaining human relationships, don't try."

In not trying, one gets closer to things that (s)he is innately interested in and willing to spend their life on. Those are the times when the impact of your life, at least in your young age, is most palpable.

It is a tough decision because of the infinite potential of life to be so much - there are billionaires, exceptionally strong, beautiful, bold, courageous, sensitive, empathetic, philosophizing men and women out there that force us to rethink our next course of action at every step and if these actions aren't taken in time, to regret our inactions. 

It is easier to live in a culture where the freedom of choice isn't made for you. A society that can afford the freedom of failure is one that grants the greatest level of satiety its members. 

I have always been afraid of failure and I continue to be. It's not the fear of failure itself that is the problem, but the fear of justifying that haunts me every day. In feeding this fear, I have learnt to play the blame game - a delusional endeavour where you find problems in solutions you don't even have. Greed, jealousy, contempt, arrogance, ego.. they are very raw human emotions and they have immense value - not only in today's world of cut throat competition but also in ancient times where life wasn't as complicated. It wouldn't be wrong to say that if necessity is the mother of invention, greed is, at the least, the kickass aunt that strongly pushes you towards it.

The trappings are in the blame game; one which is harder to avoid than any other trap under the sun. That is because taking responsibility is hard, asking difficult questions, demanding answers, demanding change and monitoring that change is goddamn hard! 

So you blame your bosses for being insensitive towards your personal life, you blame your ex for a heartbreak that lingers on forever - allowing you to put every inefficiency on the shoulders of a dead relationship, you blame your parents for presurrizing you or not presurrizing you or not guiding you enough and so on and so forth.

Since we live in such an interconnected society there are bound to be problems we face, which weren't caused by us. If you're blaming somebody else for a problem you face, then you have to relentlessly make them realize it and ensure that you don't continue to face those problems. Otherwise blame is simply a tool for escape, because real life has absolutely and irreparably defeated you.

You are allowed to blame someone, you are required to complain about your problems because if you don't, the changes the world is inevitably going to see will not consider your inputs. And who'd want to live in a world like that, right?

One needs to blame someone based on investigation, based on merits and not due to bottled anger which cannot be exposed. Because blame without intervention and eventual change, eats you from the inside - making you feel cowardly and worthless. 

Be resourceful with blame, be thorough with blame and ultimately - be relentless in demanding a change.

I'm still struggling with this. However, I have changed bit by bit over the past 2/3 years of my work life and I'm sure it will continue changing as time passes. And if it doesn't, what do I blame it on?